Something I've Noticed

Well, I think I'm growing. Not in a literal sense. (...wellmaybeIhadsomechocolateandyesIamnowpregnantwithcocoa)
Silliness aside...Well, I've stopped judging people as much. I used to think really, that I cared so much more about things than everyone else. And a part of me still thinks that. I want to grow, and I want to become someone that people like, and I want to have a lot of friends, and I thought I was just one of those people that no one liked because I wasn't interested in what "the popular crowd" was into and everyone had to be a part of the popular crowd or we didn't conform and then society crashed into this huge asteroid in space and everyone died. But then I realized that the concrete idol of "them" and me, or "them" and "us", rather, because I have a group of friends, was not as solid as I imagined. I realized, that while there is a certain...truth to that, albeit a small one, that there's a lot more that connects everyone. And since I realize that now, I'm less afraid, I suppose, of talking to/getting to know new people. And I think I'm nicer for it as a person, because I think I gave off the vibe of judgement or something. I think that's why people didn't like me. And people still don't like, love me or anything, but I've realized people don't hate me. I still tend to be a tad judgemental, but I've gotten better. I think I realized it when this girl I judged to be this preppy little lump of nonsense and fluff was talking to me in the art room about how she loved French. She wasn't in French, but she went during her off period to the middle school French teacher and learned what she could. I was stunned. She had left the box I had put her in. I love French. I LOVE it. And this girl, this "stupid" girl, the exact inverse of me, loved it too. And gave up her free time for it almost every day. She was still in Spanish. So she was not only equal to me in her love for it, she was doing MORE. She was taking TWO languages, pretty much. I think that cured some of my being judgemental. I'm less judgmental now, and I don't think people don't DISlike me like I think they used to. I want to get to know people; I want to be remembered. I want to do things and I want people to know who I am and what I think about life and what I love and who I care about. I want people to look at me and see someone they feel they can like, relate to. I'm tired of being an isolated nobody. I'm tired of shying away from "them". I want to talk to people and become an actual living breathing person, but to do that, I have to de-shell myself in a way. I hope I can do that before the end of this year. I really do.

Edit: I'm in the school play! Hooray for doing things you'd never actually do because it just wasn't something you'd DO. :D